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As a coach, your influence goes beyond teaching skills and strategies. The most impactful coaches create defining moments—unique experiences that inspire, motivate, and leave lasting memories. These moments, built on trust and mutual understanding, help athletes grow both on and off the field. Creating defining moments isn’t accidental; it requires a deep commitment to understanding each athlete and fostering a team culture rooted in respect and positivity.
Here are some powerful ways to create defining moments that catalyze growth, strengthen trust, and elevate the coach-athlete relationship: 1. Recognize Every Athlete’s Unique Journey Every athlete has their own goals, challenges, and strengths. Taking time to understand what drives each individual helps you tailor your approach to their needs. During one-on-one meetings, ask about their personal aspirations and struggles, not just in sports but also in life. When athletes see that you care about them as individuals, they’re more likely to trust you, making every interaction a potential defining moment. 2. Create Milestones to Celebrate Growth A championship win may be the ultimate goal, but small victories deserve recognition too. Celebrate when an athlete reaches a personal best, overcomes a mental hurdle, or shows resilience after a tough loss. These moments of acknowledgment build confidence and demonstrate that growth is valued as much as results. Over time, these small celebrations become a key part of a positive team culture that encourages continuous improvement. 3. Teach Through Adversity The greatest growth often comes from overcoming challenges. When an athlete experiences a setback—like an injury, a loss, or a mistake in a game—use it as an opportunity to support and teach them. Help them navigate their disappointment, focus on what they can control, and turn the experience into a lesson. These moments of resilience foster trust and understanding, showing that you’re there not only in times of victory but also in times of struggle. 4. Model Vulnerability and Authenticity Building a culture of trust starts with your example. Share some of your own struggles, insecurities, or learning experiences as a coach. By being authentic, you demonstrate that it’s okay to face difficulties and imperfections. This vulnerability opens the door for athletes to do the same, helping them feel safe to be themselves and share openly. Athletes who feel understood and supported are more likely to embrace growth. 5. Set High Expectations and Provide Unwavering Support Athletes want to be challenged, but they also need to know that you believe in them. Set ambitious goals, but make it clear that you’re there to guide and support them along the way. When athletes see that you’re fully invested in their success and committed to helping them achieve their potential, they’re motivated to push their limits. The high-expectation/high-support approach creates defining moments that leave athletes inspired and focused on their personal growth. 6. Encourage Leadership and Ownership Allow athletes to take ownership of certain aspects of training or strategy. Whether it’s setting up a drill, leading a team discussion, or helping plan team goals, giving them responsibility encourages growth and self-confidence. These leadership moments are transformative, empowering athletes to step into roles they may have never seen themselves in, and fostering a sense of trust and autonomy within the team. 7. Be Present in the Moment A defining moment doesn’t always need to be planned. Sometimes, it’s simply a matter of showing up fully for an athlete in the moment. If they’re excited about a breakthrough or need support during a hard time, give them your full attention. When athletes feel that you’re truly present and engaged, they’re more likely to share openly, trust you, and feel valued. 8. Reflect and Reminisce Together A powerful way to solidify trust and celebrate defining moments is by reflecting on them. After a season, or even a significant game, gather your athletes to reminisce about their shared experiences, challenges, and triumphs. These reflections reinforce the journey and remind everyone how much they’ve grown. Reflecting on defining moments strengthens the bond among teammates and builds a lasting sense of camaraderie. When you’re intentional about creating defining moments, you’re fostering an environment where athletes feel seen, valued, and motivated to reach their full potential. The trust and understanding you build not only strengthen the team’s success but also leave a lasting impact on your athletes’ lives, shaping how they view themselves and their future goals.
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In sports, trust between coaches and athletes isn’t just a “nice to have”—it’s essential. When athletes trust their coach, they’re more engaged, resilient, and open to feedback, which directly contributes to their growth and performance. But building this trust doesn’t happen overnight. It requires consistent effort, open communication, and genuine understanding from the coach. Here’s how coaches can create a positive, trust-filled environment that nurtures both athletic and personal growth: 1. Be Open and Transparent with Expectations Athletes thrive when they know what’s expected of them. Set clear standards for behavior, performance, and communication from the beginning. Transparency around goals, training plans, and discipline policies shows your athletes that you’re honest and trustworthy. It eliminates ambiguity and creates an environment where they feel safe to excel. 2. Communicate Frequently and Effectively Consistent, two-way communication is key to a trusting relationship. Take time to check in with your athletes—not just about their performance, but also about how they’re feeling. Make it clear that you’re available to talk about anything, whether it’s sports-related or personal. Regular communication not only builds rapport but also allows you to understand each athlete’s unique personality and motivations. 3. Show Empathy and Understanding Athletes face a lot of pressure both on and off the field. When they’re struggling, be an empathetic listener. Show that you care about their challenges and recognize their hard work, even on tough days. Demonstrating empathy fosters a supportive environment where athletes feel comfortable sharing their struggles without fear of judgment. 4. Encourage Athlete Input Involve athletes in decision-making where appropriate. Whether it’s asking for feedback on training exercises or letting them set certain goals, empowering them to contribute gives them a sense of ownership. When athletes feel heard and valued, their trust in you grows, and they’re more likely to commit to the team’s goals. 5. Be Consistent and Fair Consistency is critical in building trust. When athletes see that you enforce rules fairly and treat everyone with respect, they’re more likely to respect and trust you in return. Avoid favoritism and be fair with all decisions, whether it’s about playing time, discipline, or recognition. Your athletes will appreciate your integrity and feel secure knowing that they’re being treated with honesty and respect. 6. Lead by Example Your actions as a coach set the tone for the team. Show up with a positive attitude, demonstrate commitment, and practice the same level of discipline that you expect from your athletes. When they see that you’re invested, they’re more likely to buy into your vision. Leading by example isn’t just about modeling behaviors—it’s about showing your athletes that you’re there to support and grow with them. 7. Celebrate Progress, Not Just Results Focusing solely on wins and losses can strain relationships, especially during tough seasons. Instead, celebrate individual and team progress, whether it’s mastering a new skill, showing up with a good attitude, or working hard in practice. Recognizing small victories shows athletes that their effort matters and builds a positive, encouraging environment. 8. Build Trust Gradually Trust takes time to develop, so be patient. Consistently apply these principles, even when results aren’t immediate. Over time, athletes will feel secure in the knowledge that you’re committed to their success, both in sports and in life. When you prioritize trust and understanding in your coaching approach, you’re building more than a team—you’re creating a supportive community where athletes feel valued, respected, and motivated to reach their full potential. This positive, trust-based environment not only enhances performance but also leaves a lasting impact on each athlete’s life.  As a coach, your philosophy is your guiding compass. It shapes how you interact with athletes, handle challenges, and define success. But developing a solid coaching philosophy takes more than just experience—it requires reflection, clarity, and an understanding of your core values. Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you craft a coaching philosophy that reflects your approach and sets a strong foundation for your team:  1. Reflect on Your Core Values Start by asking yourself what you value most in sports. Do you prioritize teamwork, discipline, growth, or mental toughness? Identifying your top values will help you shape the principles that guide your coaching decisions. 2. Define Your Purpose Think about your long-term goals. Is your mission to develop athletes into well-rounded individuals, or is your focus strictly on performance? Clarifying your purpose will provide direction not only for yourself but also for your team. 3. Draw from Your Own Experiences Consider your experiences as an athlete and a coach. What worked for you? What didn’t? Use those experiences as a guide to build a philosophy that’s authentic to your personal journey. 4. Create a Coaching Vision Your vision is your long-term dream for your athletes. Are you helping them become better athletes, students, or people? Having a clear vision helps you stay consistent, especially in tough times.  5. Incorporate Feedback and Continuous Growth A coaching philosophy isn’t set in stone. As you evolve as a coach and as the needs of your athletes change, be open to refining your philosophy. Seek feedback from peers, mentors, and even your athletes to ensure that your philosophy stays relevant. 6. Communicate Your Philosophy Your philosophy is only as effective as how well it’s understood by your athletes and staff. Take the time to clearly communicate what you stand for, how you coach, and what you expect from your team. This sets clear expectations and helps build a culture aligned with your values. 7. Be Consistent Once you’ve developed your philosophy, consistency is key. Whether you’re celebrating victories or navigating challenges, sticking to your principles builds trust and respect with your athletes. Developing a coaching philosophy is an ongoing process. It provides a roadmap for your decisions and interactions with your team. By staying grounded in your values, you create an environment where athletes can thrive, both on and off the field.   The Four Tenets of Purpose-Driven Coaching: Building Impactful Coach-Athlete Relationships Purpose-driven coaching is an approach that emphasizes personal growth, long-term development, and meaningful relationships in addition to athletic performance. While traditional coaching may focus primarily on winning and technical improvement, purpose-driven coaching seeks to develop athletes holistically. The coach’s role is to serve as a mentor, leader, and guide, helping athletes not only succeed in sports but also grow as individuals. Central to purpose-driven coaching are four foundational tenets: defining your coaching philosophy, fostering positive relationships with your athletes, creating unique defining moments, and identifying shared goals. Each of these tenets contributes to a coaching environment that promotes both athletic achievement and personal development. 1. Defining Your Coaching Philosophy: The Foundation of Purpose-Driven Coaching The first step in becoming a purpose-driven coach is to clearly define and communicate your coaching philosophy. A coaching philosophy serves as the backbone of your approach to leadership, defining what you value and how you will interact with your athletes. This philosophy helps guide every decision, from day-to-day interactions in practice to long-term strategies for athlete development. A well-defined coaching philosophy includes core beliefs about the role of sports in athletes’ lives. For example, a coach may emphasize character development, teamwork, and personal responsibility as key elements of their philosophy. This philosophy often reflects a coach's experiences, values, and understanding of what it means to succeed in life and athletics. By establishing these principles early and sharing them openly with athletes, the coach provides a clear framework for the entire team’s efforts. For instance, a coach might stress that winning is not the ultimate goal but rather the byproduct of discipline, hard work, and teamwork. This philosophy helps athletes understand that their self-worth is not tied solely to their performance. By creating this distinction, athletes can approach competitions with confidence, free from the anxiety of external pressures and focused on personal growth. A philosophy based on intrinsic motivation, character building, and resilience can help athletes stay motivated even when they face setbacks or challenges. Additionally, having a clear coaching philosophy fosters consistency. Athletes know what to expect from their coach and the team culture, which builds trust and respect. A defined philosophy creates a unified vision and aligns everyone’s efforts toward a common goal. When athletes understand their coach’s values and expectations, they are more likely to buy into the process and contribute positively to the team’s culture. It’s also essential that the coaching philosophy evolves over time. While core beliefs may remain consistent, the specific strategies or priorities within a philosophy should adapt to new circumstances, experiences, or insights. Coaches who reflect on their own growth and continue to refine their philosophy demonstrate to their athletes the importance of lifelong learning and adaptability.  2. Fostering Positive Relationships: Building Trust and Understanding The second key tenet of purpose-driven coaching is fostering positive relationships with your athletes. Successful coaching is not just about imparting technical skills or tactical knowledge; it’s about forming strong, trust-based connections that enable athletes to grow and thrive. Athletes perform best when they feel valued, supported, and understood by their coach. A positive coach-athlete relationship creates a safe environment where athletes are willing to take risks, ask for help, and push themselves beyond their comfort zones. One of the most important aspects of building positive relationships is showing genuine care for athletes as individuals, not just as performers. Purpose-driven coaches invest time in getting to know their athletes on a personal level, understanding their backgrounds, motivations, and challenges outside of sports. This helps create a more holistic coaching approach, where the coach can tailor their support to each athlete’s specific needs. In fostering these relationships, communication plays a critical role. Coaches must practice active listening, providing honest feedback while being receptive to athletes’ thoughts and concerns. Athletes need to feel that their coach is approachable and open to dialogue. Whether it’s offering encouragement after a tough practice, helping an athlete navigate personal struggles, or simply checking in on how they’re doing outside of the sport, effective communication helps athletes feel seen and supported. Positive relationships are also rooted in mutual respect. Coaches should create an environment of collaboration, where athletes’ input is valued. For instance, involving athletes in decision-making processes—such as setting goals or adjusting training plans—can strengthen the bond between coach and athlete. When athletes feel like their voice matters, they are more likely to take ownership of their development and be committed to the team’s success. An essential component of fostering positive relationships is demonstrating consistency and reliability. Athletes need to know that they can count on their coach to be present, both physically and emotionally. Whether it’s being there for practices, competitions, or critical conversations, purpose-driven coaches build trust by showing up consistently for their athletes Finally, fostering positive relationships requires emotional intelligence. Coaches must be attuned to the emotional needs of their athletes, understanding how to motivate them in different circumstances and when to offer support or constructive criticism. By being emotionally aware, coaches can better navigate the highs and lows of the athletic journey, helping athletes stay resilient in the face of challenges. 3. Creating Unique Defining Moments: Catalyzing Growth and Transformation One of the most powerful aspects of purpose-driven coaching is the ability to create defining moments for athletes. These moments—whether they occur in practice, competition, or off the field—can become pivotal experiences that shape an athlete’s identity and development. Defining moments are not just about athletic achievement; they are about helping athletes realize their potential, overcome obstacles, and experience personal transformation. Purpose-driven coaches are intentional about recognizing and creating these moments. They understand that defining moments often arise during times of challenge or uncertainty, when athletes are pushed beyond their perceived limits. For example, a coach may recognize when an athlete is struggling with self-doubt or frustration and use that opportunity to offer encouragement, insight, or a fresh perspective. These moments of support can help athletes break through mental barriers and unlock new levels of performance or personal growth. Moreover, defining moments don’t always have to be grand or monumental. Sometimes, they are found in the small, everyday victories—whether it’s mastering a new technique, showing resilience after a tough loss, or achieving a personal best. Purpose-driven coaches help athletes recognize and celebrate these small milestones, reinforcing the idea that progress is about consistent effort and self-improvement. Creating defining moments also involves taking the time to recognize and validate athletes’ efforts. By celebrating moments of hard work, persistence, and resilience, coaches can help athletes build confidence and self-efficacy. These moments become part of an athlete’s narrative, shaping how they see themselves and their capabilities. In some cases, a defining moment may involve a life lesson that extends far beyond the sports arena. Purpose-driven coaches use sports as a vehicle for teaching broader life skills, such as leadership, teamwork, accountability, and perseverance. These lessons often become defining moments for athletes, as they realize the impact of their athletic journey on their character development. Ultimately, defining moments help athletes create a lasting sense of purpose in their sport. These moments offer clarity, motivation, and a deeper connection to the process of growth, both as athletes and as individuals.  4. Setting Shared Goals: Collaborating for Success
The fourth tenet of purpose-driven coaching is the practice of setting goals that both the coach and the athlete can focus on together. Goals are a crucial part of any athlete’s journey, providing direction, motivation, and a sense of accomplishment. However, in purpose-driven coaching, the goal-setting process is a collaborative effort, where both coach and athlete work together to identify meaningful and achievable targets. Purpose-driven coaches understand that goal-setting is not just about winning championships or breaking records. It’s about creating a framework for long-term development, both athletically and personally. By involving athletes in the process of defining their own goals, coaches empower them to take ownership of their journey and stay motivated throughout the ups and downs of training and competition. Effective goal-setting involves a balance between short-term objectives and long-term aspirations. While short-term goals help athletes stay focused on immediate improvements—such as improving technique, fitness, or mental toughness—long-term goals provide a sense of direction and purpose. For example, a short-term goal might involve improving a specific aspect of performance for the upcoming season, while a long-term goal might be to qualify for a national competition or even pursue a professional career in the sport. Collaborative goal-setting also fosters accountability. When both the coach and the athlete agree on specific goals, they are both responsible for working toward those goals. This shared responsibility helps build a sense of partnership and mutual respect. Athletes are more likely to stay committed when they feel that their coach is invested in their success and working alongside them to achieve their goals. Moreover, the process of setting shared goals helps coaches tailor their training plans to the unique needs and aspirations of each athlete. Rather than using a one-size-fits-all approach, purpose-driven coaches take the time to understand their athletes’ motivations and adapt their coaching strategies accordingly. This individualized approach not only enhances performance but also fosters a deeper connection between coach and athlete. Coaches should also encourage athletes to set goals that extend beyond the sport itself. For example, an athlete may have academic or personal goals that are equally important to their overall development. By helping athletes balance their various priorities and supporting them in achieving these goals, coaches contribute to their athletes’ holistic growth. Purpose-Driven Coaching as a Pathway to Personal and Athletic Excellence Purpose-driven coaching is a holistic approach to athletic development that focuses on building meaningful relationships, creating defining moments, and setting shared goals—all grounded in a well-defined coaching philosophy. By following these four tenets, coaches can foster an environment where athletes are motivated, supported, and empowered to achieve both personal and athletic success. Through purpose-driven coaching, athletes learn more than just the mechanics of their sport. They develop resilience, character, leadership, and a sense of purpose that will carry them forward in all aspects of life. In this way, purpose-driven coaches not only shape champions on the field but also contribute to the development of well-rounded individuals who are prepared to navigate the challenges of life beyond sports. Ultimately, the impact of purpose-driven coaching extends far beyond the win-loss record. The relationships, experiences, and life lessons gained through this approach leave a lasting imprint on athletes, helping them become the best versions of themselves both on and off the field. Yesterday I had a great conversation with a former athlete of mine that is now a very successful throwing coach in Division II. We were discussing athlete performances at nationals this year, and we came to a point where we agreed to disagree on how/why some athletes are able to perform at big competitions (nationals) and other athletes do not perform as well. Our impasse came when discussing prior athlete experiences.
From my experiences, athletes that compete well in high anxiety high stress competitions do so thanks in part to competing in those types of prior competitions (past experiences). There is research to support the rationale that having been placed in a high anxiety setting prior allows athletes to tap into those past experiences when in the current moment of competition, thus allowing for the opportunity to perform better in that instance (Chambliss, 1989; McCosker et al., 2019; Infurna, 2022). What has been neglected in the current research is how those early experiences translate to competitive experiences specific to high-school age athletes that transition to competing at the collegiate levels. Chambliss’ (1989) experiences with Olympic swimmers in the early 1980’s focused on not only adult-aged athletes, but junior athletes enrolled in high-school that were performing at the Olympic level (most of which were competing in the Olympics before transitioning to collegiate swimming). McCosker and colleagues (2019) qualitative study focused on track and field coaches that were currently working with Olympic/World Championship participating long-jumpers. Infurna (2022), similar to McCosker et al., (2019), emphasized the experiences of throwing coaches and their perceptions of coach-athlete relationships when working with throwers that had competed at the Olympic Games/World Championships. Essentially, here we are. I provided a very brief overview of a few studies that focused on Olympic athletes and the role coaches play in mitigating performances at the highest level of competition (Olympic Games/World Championships). Unfortunately, 99% of us as coaches will probably never coach an Olympic Games/World Championship participating athlete, but we do coach and mentor high level high-school and collegiate throwers. A couple of questions for the group: First, to what extent does the role of the coach play at the collegiate level in affecting/influencing throwing performances? Does the extent differ by division? Second, to what extent do prior high level high-school competitive experiences play in affecting throwing performances at the collegiate level? Does the extent differ by division? References Chambliss, D. F. (1989). The mundanity of excellence: An ethnographic report on stratification and Olympic swimmers. Sociological theory, 7(1), 70-86. Infurna, C. J. (2022). Sustained success at the Olympic level: Perspectives on coach-athlete relationships from track and field throwing coaches. Track Coach (winter). McCosker, C., Renshaw, I., Russell, S., Polman, R., & Davids, K. (2019). The role of elite coaches’ expertise in identifying key constraints on long jump performance: how practice task designs can enhance athlete self-regulation in competition. I don’t believe this is a topic I’ve discussed much, if at all in the past. I think it’s an interesting topic that isn’t really discussed much on social media, but there is ample research in the coach-athlete relationship space about relationships and when/how they come to an end. I experienced my first post-collegiate break up with an athlete over this past weekend. After reflecting upon it for the past couple of days, I have wrapped my mind around what (from my perspective) went wrong and how the relationship may have been extended due to extenuating outcomes (from the possible perspective of the athlete).
Before I really get started here, I think it’s important to share that I believe that a large majority of throwers at the high-school and collegiate levels throw because they have some type of goal they want to achieve and distance they want to ultimately throw. For the very few throwers at that level, I believe they compete and join track teams because they want to be part of a group of individuals that share similar passions, i.e. throwing. And for that very small group of throwers, their ultimate goal isn’t simply to throw far(ther), but rather be around a group of individuals and have fun. Not sure what the percentage might be, but it would probably be fair to say the split might look like 90/10 or 95/5. Alright, getting back to our situation at hand. After a few text message exchanges and a Zoom chat we were well on our way to getting started and hopefully throwing farther. The athlete sent me a few of their throws via text message and I would send back some thoughts about their technique and share some tips via the Coaching Eye app. Their five or six second video clips would turn into a couple minute videos about technique; foot placement, hips, shoulders, eyes, etc. A couple of suggestions and drills to support the new technique. We did this for approximately a couple of months. In that time, this athlete had two competitions. Unfortunately, as their practice technique got more efficient and they were implementing mindset strategies to help support the new technique, things wouldn’t go as smoothly in competition. In my opinion, their technique improved in the two competitions we worked together, however their distances did not improve. Quite the opposite actually. Their distances from competition 1 to competition 2 in which we worked together got worse. As I’m writing this now, I’m still trying to figure out what would cause the change from practice to competition. I have a pretty good idea, but that can be saved for another post. This past weekend we discussed how the competition went. Before long, the athlete told me they were going to search for a more local coach and thanked me for my help. I wished them the best in hopes of finding the distances they were searching for with me as their coach. So, what went wrong… From my perspective, this is a list of what I think went wrong in this situation. Hopefully this list can help other coaches who might be in similar predicaments with coaching athletes at any level through a club or other affiliation not associated with a school/college/university. 1. Lack of Clear Expectations If you have got this far, you might be able to see (or read) that the expectations of the athlete were simply to throw farther. Of course I understand that. There are a multitude of factors that play a role in how well someone is going to compete (or throw) on a given day. Some factors within their ultimate control and others not (travel, weather, time of day, etc.). I failed to share and set clear expectations for what this coach-athlete relationship would look like. In this case, the expectation of throwing farther immediately after beginning to work together (i.e. a couple of months). I should have known better. Changing technique and providing technical and mindset cues takes time and effort. Providing the cues is one thing, implementing them is something altogether. 2. Goal-Setting: It isn’t always about throwing farther, or is it? The only mention of achieving a goal was for this athlete to qualify for a specific meet in which they need to reach a certain ranking in order to be eligible and to throw farther. I failed to share specific process goal related outcomes/scenarios that would have removed any anxiety, fear, or apprehension the athlete had about reaching a certain ranking and hitting a certain distance in an event. Completing a certain number of physical repetitions per week, practicing mental rehearsal cues, etc. are all outcomes that can be strived for. A sole focus on throwing farther without implementing strategies discussed (see 1) sets the coach and athlete up for disaster. 3. How to Receive Information I did not discuss with the athlete how they like to receive feedback regarding their technique and how to share information about cues and drills to incorporate. The athlete would text me their throws, I would upload them to Coaches Eye, include ideas, and send back to the athlete with links of visual cues to review from other athletes, as well as mindset activities to incorporate to better prepare for the heightened anxiety of attempting to perform well when a top ranking is on the line. Again, if you made it this far-thank you! Essentially, from the perspective of the athlete, I believe that because they didn’t improve their distances in competition they decided I wasn’t the right coach for them and they wanted to make a change. No hard feelings at all. As I mentioned, I wished the athlete nothing but the very best of luck in their future endeavors. I do believe that the right combination of communication, expectations, and outlining goals/aspirations makes for a healthy coach-athlete relationship. You can add accountability as well. In situations where the athlete is solely relying on their own effort in competition (diving, swimming-not relay races, throwing, golf, singles tennis, wrestling, badminton, racquetball, etc.) it requires athletes and coaches alike to take a deeper look at what is happening, not only when the athlete is successful (how they define success) but not as successful as well and be critical of what needs to better be communicated to ensure the athlete is given the best possible opportunity to reach their goals. |
Dr. Charles InfurnaCharles Infurna, Ed.D., is the owner and lead coach of Forza Athletics Track Club. Dr. Infurna has coached National Record Holders, National Champions, All-Americans, and Conference Champions at the Post-Collegiate, Collegiate, and High School level. Archives
November 2024
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